How to grab attention without over-hyped language
How to avoid the common copywriting mistake of over hyped language and what to do to grab even more attention without it...
Here's another really great opening line from Frank McCourt's "Teacher Man" (if you haven't read Frank McCourt's books you really need to do that - the style is a great lesson in the art of a personal narrative which we use all the time in sales copy)...
The first line reads...
"On the first day of my teaching career I was almost fired for eating the sandwich of a high school boy."
That arouses a bit of curiousity. What the hell is a teacher doing eating a sandwich from one of his students?
But McCourt understands the value of the following line to really grab your reader...
"On the second day I was almost fired for mentioning the possibility of friendship with a sheep."
What the...?!!
You mentioned WHAT?!!!
Also note the understated tone.
A mistake even pro copywriters make is using over hyped language when the content is more than attention grabbing by itself.
By using this understated tone in his writing McCourt is INCREASING the impact.
He's speaking as if this kind of thing happens every day.
Great salesmen use understatment all the time to increase their selling power.
It's disarming and your prospect begins to fill in the blanks.
Let me explain what I mean with an example.
Let's say you were a marketing consultant selling your services to a potential client and you're talking about setting a profit target.
You're telling your prospect a story...
"When we first started working with Jim Jenkins from the TRS Housing Group he set his profit goal for the first 6 months at $500,000 - an increase of about 40%."
"Personally I thought it was a bit low but we ran with that and I was happy that in his first 3 months he passed that goal and 6 months down the track he had an $800,000 profit increase."
If this consultant is smart he knows he can just state the facts low key.
That can have more power because his prospect thinks - "Hell this guy is talking like he gets results like this EVERY DAY!! He didn't even blink an eyelid when he said that!"
Sometimes understatement is powerful in sales and in sales copy.
Remember advertising is just salesmanship in print.
Of course using a low key understated tone in opening lines requires a lot of thought. The key facts and statements MUST grab attention by themselves.
Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh
P.S. This post is a follow up on the post about How To Write Opening Lines In Sales Copy
Also read...
A Powerful $20 Million Low Key Sales Presentation
Breaking Your Prospect's Sales Resistance
Is This Copywriting Mistake Killing Your Sales?
Low Key Copywriting Sells
More FREE High Value Online Copywriting Secrets Than Any Other Site On Earth. Andrew Cavanagh's Online Copywriting Blog
Products From Andrew Cavanagh:
Offers Unleashed: How Many Of These 17
Profit Multiplying Offers Is Your Website Missing?
Make $1,500 Today: This 48 Page Report Reveals
The Simple Step By Step System For Selling Your Online
Marketing Skills To Businesses Right In Your City
$500 In 24 Hours Without A Website: From Offline Store Front
To Online Gold. Charge Local Businesses To Explode Their Sales From Walk Past Traffic And Turn That Traffic Into Long Term Online Income (Perfect For Copywriters)
Online Gold For The Offline Business: The Definitive
eBook On How To Use Online Marketing To Power Up
The Profits In Any Brick And Mortar Business
Make My Website Sell: FREE 11 Minute Video
Insider Secrets Of Web Design That Sells
$7 Secrets: How I Made Over $3,000 In Just 7 Days
By Selling A 30 Page Report For $7
Make Money Copywriting: 34 Insider Secrets To Making Money
As A Copywriter And How To Land Your First Copywriting Client
Here's another really great opening line from Frank McCourt's "Teacher Man" (if you haven't read Frank McCourt's books you really need to do that - the style is a great lesson in the art of a personal narrative which we use all the time in sales copy)...
The first line reads...
"On the first day of my teaching career I was almost fired for eating the sandwich of a high school boy."
That arouses a bit of curiousity. What the hell is a teacher doing eating a sandwich from one of his students?
But McCourt understands the value of the following line to really grab your reader...
"On the second day I was almost fired for mentioning the possibility of friendship with a sheep."
What the...?!!
You mentioned WHAT?!!!
Also note the understated tone.
A mistake even pro copywriters make is using over hyped language when the content is more than attention grabbing by itself.
By using this understated tone in his writing McCourt is INCREASING the impact.
He's speaking as if this kind of thing happens every day.
Great salesmen use understatment all the time to increase their selling power.
It's disarming and your prospect begins to fill in the blanks.
Let me explain what I mean with an example.
Let's say you were a marketing consultant selling your services to a potential client and you're talking about setting a profit target.
You're telling your prospect a story...
"When we first started working with Jim Jenkins from the TRS Housing Group he set his profit goal for the first 6 months at $500,000 - an increase of about 40%."
"Personally I thought it was a bit low but we ran with that and I was happy that in his first 3 months he passed that goal and 6 months down the track he had an $800,000 profit increase."
If this consultant is smart he knows he can just state the facts low key.
That can have more power because his prospect thinks - "Hell this guy is talking like he gets results like this EVERY DAY!! He didn't even blink an eyelid when he said that!"
Sometimes understatement is powerful in sales and in sales copy.
Remember advertising is just salesmanship in print.
Of course using a low key understated tone in opening lines requires a lot of thought. The key facts and statements MUST grab attention by themselves.
Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh
P.S. This post is a follow up on the post about How To Write Opening Lines In Sales Copy
Also read...
A Powerful $20 Million Low Key Sales Presentation
Breaking Your Prospect's Sales Resistance
Is This Copywriting Mistake Killing Your Sales?
Low Key Copywriting Sells
More FREE High Value Online Copywriting Secrets Than Any Other Site On Earth. Andrew Cavanagh's Online Copywriting Blog
Products From Andrew Cavanagh:
Offers Unleashed: How Many Of These 17
Profit Multiplying Offers Is Your Website Missing?
Make $1,500 Today: This 48 Page Report Reveals
The Simple Step By Step System For Selling Your Online
Marketing Skills To Businesses Right In Your City
$500 In 24 Hours Without A Website: From Offline Store Front
To Online Gold. Charge Local Businesses To Explode Their Sales From Walk Past Traffic And Turn That Traffic Into Long Term Online Income (Perfect For Copywriters)
Online Gold For The Offline Business: The Definitive
eBook On How To Use Online Marketing To Power Up
The Profits In Any Brick And Mortar Business
Make My Website Sell: FREE 11 Minute Video
Insider Secrets Of Web Design That Sells
$7 Secrets: How I Made Over $3,000 In Just 7 Days
By Selling A 30 Page Report For $7
Make Money Copywriting: 34 Insider Secrets To Making Money
As A Copywriter And How To Land Your First Copywriting Client